I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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