It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
