What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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