I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
