how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize