I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize