You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
