Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish i was in the wii world.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize