So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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