dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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