That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
