a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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