So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
