you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
