weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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