I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
