haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
