just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
