have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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