he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
how drunk are you?
Several
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
