I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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