Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
