theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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