First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
