I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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