she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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