Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
