def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
