im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
