My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
