He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
