Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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