she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
