I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
