sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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