He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize