I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
did i walk over a car last night?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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