Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
