ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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