We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
as a side note pls kill me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
