Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
