so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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