we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
