I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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