you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
