I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
