I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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