i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He did a backflip because drugs
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