Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
