So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
