Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
