Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
