i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
