I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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