i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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