Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
