Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
