I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
