Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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