no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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