so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
