went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
