Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
