Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
