I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
