capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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