Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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