alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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