I think I won the penis lottery.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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