Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
