no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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