Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
